the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
