Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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