I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
