but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
