News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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