Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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