I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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