I cannot find my penis.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
