shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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