thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Boobs speak an international language.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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