did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
