Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again