No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.