Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.