My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.