Sry I called you an 8
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
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i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?