Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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