I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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