too bad you live with your parents still
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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