He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize