There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
