she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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