Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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