What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
