i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
