I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
