where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
