yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
