he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
