And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
