apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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