i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
