i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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