Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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