I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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