I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
