You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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