Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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