I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
