I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
