Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
