if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
