FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
