He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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