A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
