I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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