Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
