Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is Oprah even human
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
