Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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