fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
