In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
