So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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