before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You left your phone here
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