I heard we made out
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
