I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
