So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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