I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
