a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
