I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
