well I can't set my house on fire every night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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