This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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