if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
