The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is Oprah even human
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
