I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
