Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
