She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
