i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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