The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
