i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
