I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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