Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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