I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
