Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
