butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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