all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS