Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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