Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need to align my fucking chakras
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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