youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think my vagina is haunted
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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