i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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