I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
