i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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