i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
